Queen of Swords with Four of Pentacles

Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan and Mark Evans

There have been a few occasions on this blog when I have used the phrase clucking [one’s] tongue. If you are unfamiliar with that term it’s likely because you know it as clicking one’s tongue, or if you’re of West Indian descent as I am you know it as sucking one’s teeth (a slightly different sound reminiscent of a sarcastic cricket that involves pulling air through the teeth) or if your primary method of communication is with your thumbs you might know it as smh.

At the end of the day… or really any part of any given day… all of these are indicated as an expression of disapproval. A 49 year-old man wearing gray socks with a brown belt and blue shoes might elicit a tongue click, or a juicy bit of gossip about how Porter was hitting on the daughter of the mayor of Georgetown, Guyana, right in front of him might yield a sucking of the teeth, or finding out that Sally just got bk tgthr wth Herman might warrant an smh. Each of these scenarios deems worthy of our swift and critical condescension with extreme prejudice.

When we practice the art of criticism we are taking a page out of the book of Performing Magic 101; it’s all about misdirection. It’s all about averting another’s eyes away from our flaws and imperfections by drawing their attention to another’s. We are essentially Quasimodo saying “I can’t believe she left the house looking like that.”

Let me be clear here… I am not using this platform to preach on the evils of shit-talking. Make no mistake; I’m not condoning it either. I am by no means endorsing Judge Hisbehavior. I am just pointing out a marvelous opportunity we can take advantage of when it comes to our awareness. The more we think or look at or speak of others disapprovingly, the heavier base of foundation we are trying to smear on our faces to conceal the flaws we believe we have. We know we have them, we just don’t want others to know we have them, and if others can’t see them, maybe they will cease to exist. That did not work for Snuffleupagus. I’m just saying. Now everyone can see him and now he’s just another giant Muppet.

We can move into greater personal growth by observing how we regard another person, and if we find it to be in a critical light, let it serve as a bell, a notification to tell us there is an aspect of ourselves of which we disapprove that we are trying to ignore. We are silently sending an encrypted message to our subconscious that says “we might be broken but that person is so much more broken than we are so we can’t really be that bad”. Meanwhile the subconscious isn’t buying that; it instead slaps a “Damaged Goods” sticker on our personal issue and shelves it, only for us to unbox it later during a time when we really need courage or self-confidence.

It is a guarantee that the degree of criticism we express toward others represents a fraction of the criticism we hold toward ourselves. Let us find compassion for others who travel a different path and have a different set of life experiences; they may seem unfitting to our way of life, but they serve as a means for them to learn and grow. That compassion will in turn will help us to find the compassion we need to show ourselves to help us in our own healing and personal growth.

Karma with Six of Pentacles

Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan

I drew these two cards this morning and I said to myself, “Self… this is going to be an easy post.”

Or maybe too easy?

I mean, when I look at these two cards, I think of the old adage What goes around comes around. Alright, I guess I’m done, right? Blog post written, now I can finish my coffee, go grocery shopping and watch some football today.

However, the voice of HAL comes through this post and says “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.” (now I have to brace myself as I share this post with my wife to find her completely non-plussed by the 2001: A Space Odyssey movie reference, but I’m sorry… I gotta get my geek on). As virtuous as that quote may seem at face value, it sometimes doesn’t say quite enough, in my opinion. Let’s follow the Woo Woo White Rabbit down its burrow hole…

The drawback to the above stated adage is that it implies that we are a depot on a circular track of sorts, that our actions are like a train that leaves the station only to return to us at some point in the future. It operates on the premise that there is the self, the ego, the individual, the Mr. or Ms. Me; then there is the rest of the world that resides outside the demarcation of our identity otherwise known as our skin.

In all actuality the train never really leaves the station. You see, the dividing line between me and the rest of the world is a David Copperfield act. The appearance that we as individuals are separate from everyone else is all smoke and mirrors. But we so often walk around like our identity is a hazmat suit that serves to isolate us from world affairs so our words and actions can operate with impunity.

I love the term instant karma as coined by John Lennon. How we regard others has an instant effect on ourselves. There’s no waiting for karma to check its schedule to find the most inconvenient time to come collect its debt. The woo-woo part of this that I believe in the deepest part of my being is that every single event that we witness outside ourselves is a reflection of our inner landscape. If we observe it happening out there, it’s definitely happening in here.

Thus, the words and actions we take toward another- good, bad, indifferent, delicious, nasty, tender, obnoxious- we really are taking toward ourselves. We can believe that we are clucking our tongues and shaking our heads at the inappropriateness of a character that is begging to invite our denigration, but we are choosing to cast that perspective, which speaks more to our own character than to theirs.

In order for us to truly be the person we wish to be, we must treat and regard others as if they are the personification of our best selves. Does that mean to tolerate injustice and mistreatment of others? No. It means to find the compassion to regard them fully in their humanity, bringing their life experience and personal learnings to bear from their own perspectives. Without compassion for others we cannot possibly have compassion for ourselves.

Trying to create a separation of ourselves from those of whom we disapprove creates a separation of ourselves from ourselves. It is a knee-jerk reaction designed to sequester the dark aspects of who we are in order to avoid having to regard them in any form of self-awareness. When we empathize and embrace the disparate natures of others we will as a result heal the aspects of ourselves in which we have become self-critical and disapproving, because we are them and they are us.

The only way out is through

I woke up a bit off-kilter this morning, tilted 37 degrees off my axis.

I felt that odd buzzing that surrounded my head, like a cloud of tiny invisible wasps were stringing up live electrical wires on a static-ridden pre-thunderstorm afternoon.

The rabbit hole of retribution

With the news of the death of Osama Bin Laden, it appears that hardly anyone is without some sort of reaction. I am no exception.

Last night I witnessed the pundits lobbing perspectives back and forth. I saw Facebook statuses blow up with cheers and exultation. I watched news cameras pan across celebratory dances, hand-hoisted American flags, fists pumping in the air. And it made me sad.

Balancing between compassion and dispassion

Is a lack of compassion apathy? Yet is a lack of distance meddling?

In my last post I wrote about allowing people to find their own path. I spoke of allowing people to recognize and endure through their own obstacles. I acknowledged my need to accept the challenges others face as potentially having value for them, as being a source from which they may grow through their own private experiences.

Retiring the concept of should

I’ve decided to abandon use of the word should.

I’ve decided to throw it on the pyre along with words and terms such as hate and I can’t wait or that something is killing me.  Perhaps I’m perceiving words as having more power than they may actually hold, but I’m not willing to take any chances in case I’m wrong.

Protecting ourselves from whom?

Just as with many others, the violence in Arizona stays with me.

As impactive as this event has been on our psyche, it is difficult to file it away as another footnote in the pages of recent history of our country and our society. The event has transpired, but it has not passed.